This is 40

My whole life I've aspired to "do life" with a partner. But, I have grown and accomplished more in the last three years, on my own, than I ever have while in a relationship.

I bought my first house - something I NEVER thought I'd do by myself. I wrote two full-length manuscripts - something I've aspired to do since I was a kid. I lost 120lbs and am in better shape than I was, even in my 20's. Less visibly, I fixed my credit, improved my work / home balance, and haven't required a sleep aid or anti-anxiety med in 2+ years. I've also worked through a lot of old wounds, reset some belief systems (not the least of which is my own self-perception), read 50+ new books, and built multiple new habits.

This isn't meant to shit on relationships. A lot of things would be easier and / or more enjoyable with the right person. (Like, I wouldn't have to build furniture by holding it together with my feet. And I'd probably have wrestled a lot less with the 2am anxiety attack questioning whether or not to buy the beautiful lake house only a block down from what is surely Charles Manson's childhood home.) But, one thing I'm sure of is that having the wrong partner is truly worse than having no partner at all.

This isn't meant to shit on my exes. I haven't always been the right partner, either, and I haven't always been the best version of myself. I made a LOT of mistakes in the first two decades of my adulthood. But, it's hard for me to feel too bad about any of it knowing that all those fuck-ups have also afforded me a ton of opportunity to grow and learn.

This isn't to brag. (Well...mostly.) But more to say that, life isn't "over" at 40, as I keep hearing. Honestly, aside from my dog be killed (see my blog post "Bane: Shot to Death by a Concealed Carrier" for those details), forty has been a truly amazing year. I feel more sure of who I am and more at home in my own skin than I ever have. EVER.

It's not selfish to prioritize yourself. On the contrary - investing in my own development has not only been one of the greatest gifts I've ever received, but it's also begun paying out dividends to the people around me. It's even equipped me to be a better partner, whenever the right person comes along.  

So, here's to owning your own shit. And, here's and leveling up in the second half.